One of the hardest times to be human is when we feel shame or feel small. We work hard to avoid these moments, but for many of us they erupt too often.
But when we’re able to look at human experience through the lens of our soul, it has a way of turning everything on its head. This means that from a soul perspective, each time we feel small or shameful we have an opportunity for growth.
Angela is having coffee with a friend. This friend repeatedly talks about their mutual friend, Linda, and how successful and fun she is. Angela finds herself feeling small and shame-filled. She thinks, “clearly I’m not successful or fun.” As this shame settles on her, an emotional door opens, and in rushes anger, guilt, and a strong desire to be anywhere else.
Once Angela gets home, she reflects on the spiral that hit her at the coffee-shop. It troubles her, but rather than running from it, she walks into the feelings. “Why am I so triggered by this?” she asks.
She immediately has a memory of her father’s subtle but clear messages that she should be more like her older sister. She nods with a deep moment of recognition.
This simple act of noticing and asking “why” creates a little space around the regression into smallness. It isn’t a solution that fixes Angela’s problem, but there is a subtle resolution in her heart. There is a deeper knowing, that helps her enlarge into a little more self-worth.
Moments of shame can be a gift, if we can embrace them with reflection and care. They are gifts when we see them as invitations, rather than as judgments or confirmations of our brokenness.
Every time we meet these shame moments with curiosity and grace, we grow just a little. We heal just a little. We rewire brain pathways. And we grow to love and trust ourselves just a little bit more.
It’s a nice gift to give ourselves.